Memory lane

First let me apologize that I constantly insist on using cliched phrases for the titles of my blog posts -- and often ones that having nothing to do at all with the subject of the post.

It's been suggested that I participate in some sort of meme. I do not know what a meme is, and therefore I decline.

Oh, I'm just kidding. While I really don't know what a meme is (I assume it's one of those made-up words like "blog" or "INSERT JOKE WORD HERE"), I gather that I'm being asked to write a post following the formula of those who participated before me.

So imitate, I shall. Well, sort of. The originators of this idea offered a list of five of their own previous blog posts on various topics -- family, friends, about me, about something I love, wild card -- to provide readers a refresher course in the blogger's personal thoughts and/or a sampling of favorite posts.

The blogger who tagged me for this, Meaghan, altered the list a bit to suit her own sinister purposes, and I, being sinisterer still, shall further alter the categories.

Seriously, I can't seem to find any previous posts in which I focus on family or friends, and so I'm just making up all new categories. If you don't like it, call the meme police on me.

Here are some of the various services I see this blog providing to its readers:

1. Guiding your spiritual journeys: In December, this blog broke the news to you early about the discovery of the literal road to salvation. (It was Interstate 35 heading north out of Texas, in case you missed it.) And for those of you who made legally binding commitments to travel with me on my upcoming march up the I-35 corridor, I haven't forgotten, and the trip is still on. I'm just working out a few logistical details and growing out my hair and beard.

2. Listing things: While they don't represent a regular feature on this blog, I do occasionally like to treat my readers to a nice list of things -- whether they be writing tips, favorites posts of mine (what you're reading now) or just, you know, things. Some people pay good money for a list, so you should be grateful to me for providing these free of charge (although, as always, donations are accepted).

3. Encouraging creativity: Knowing how much my readers all like to flex their creative muscles (is that a cliche yet?), I will from time to time spark a brainstorming session, such as this post, in which I praised the efforts of clever, alliterative spammers who sent me a friendly e-mail about "two tawdry tarts." You all responded with your suggestions for clever subject lines on unsolicited e-mail porn, and that's when this blog came to be blocked by a number of Internet filters, thanks very much.

4. Writing business plans: Because I have been so crushed by the weight of my own career success, I figure I should offer (again, free of charge) any further money-making ideas I have to my loyal readers, as I did in this post. Seriously, you could basically print out this post and take it into any venture capital firm's office, and they'd be like, "That's incredible. Why haven't we thought of this?" and give you a $10 million check for startup costs. Try it if you don't believe me.

5. Warning you of little-known diseases and disorders: The Web is filled with medical information and advice these days -- some valid, some questionable -- yet most sites focus on the big-name diseases such as cancer and heart disease. I've realized since the beginning of this blog that my readers also need to know about the less-talked-about health dangers lurking about us, such as premenstrual schizophrenia. Knowing is half the battle, folks.

And... scene.