Some day I'm going to start my own business.
Actually, I probably won't, because I'm not much of a risk-taker and I don't dig working super-long hours, as successful entrepreneurs are prone to do.
But still, on the surface, I like the idea of starting my own business, and so it's something that I tell myself I will do one day. Play along, will you?
I have no shortage of ideas for a business. They come at me for no good reason at times when I'm supposed to be thinking about other things, such as my current job that actually does afford me a paycheck and means of living in a house with food and clothing and other such luxuries.
Nevertheless, when I start my own business (wink, wink) I want it to provide a product or service that is actually good and useful for people in the real world -- not just something that I think I can convince people to pay me money for to further their laziness and addiction to shiny objects that perform basic tasks for them so they don't have to use their hands.
Like the Clapper. I'm not about to try to revive the Clapper.
So my latest ideas for a business are these: (and don't steal them) 1. a venison processing and distribution company, and 2. a home repair and maintenance franchise company.
1. I think the venison company is a good idea for a couple of reasons. First, venison (deer meat, if you're confused) is a lean, healthful alternative to beef or pork. It can be used to replace red meat in just about any recipe. Also, in many rural areas nationwide, hunters are already doing the harvesting work just for fun and many of them would probably be glad to sell some or all of the meat from their kills -- maybe even give it away if the company paid the processing cost and sent them a few pounds of steaks and ground meat.
The other thing I like about the venison idea is that there's a real overpopulation of deer in Georgia and probably other parts of the country. It's a pre-existing meat source, so it doesn't represent a negative environmental impact like the cattle farming industry.
2. It recently occurred to me that I've fallen behind by more than a little bit on some basic home maintenance and repair projects at my 50-plus-year-old house. I let a roof leak over my porch continue for several months before fixing it on Tuesday, which ended up costing me zero dollars and about one hour. (Fixing the damage from the leak will be a different story.) We also still haven't raked/mulched the leaves from the five or six oak trees in our front yard.
Meaghan and I are young, healthy people, so if we fall behind like this (partly because of busy schedules, partly because we prefer relaxing on the weekends to working non-stop) then how does an elderly woman living alone keep up an old house? I posed this question to Meaghan the other day, and her response was, "She doesn't. That's why so many old houses are falling apart."
Sure, there are local handymen everywhere who can help people with these problems. But who knows who these guys are and which ones can be trusted? I think a lot of homeowners would prefer to use a reputable, well-known company, which could be built by designing a training/certification process and selling franchises/licenses to some of these local handymen who want to make a full-time business of it.
So those are my latest ideas. Now, I never claimed my ideas were economically viable. In fact, both would probably be good ways for me to go broke trying to build distribution networks, training materials and paying for sales and marketing to get the company name out there.
Plus I have no business experience and know nothing about meat processing, distribution or franchising. I have developed a few handyman skills, but probably not enough that someone would pay me for them, much less pay me to train them to be a handyman.
Actually, you know what? You guys can steal these ideas if you want.
Just, if you hit it big, send me some deer steaks.
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8 comments:
I actually share your sentiments exactly. I love the idea of running my own business, but know I never will because I really am not comfortable with taking those kinds of risks and I don't like working as much as it would require so I know it will never happen. I still dream though.
That said, I will critique your post as if it serious instead of tongue in cheek. I like the first one except for I think you'd run into serious legal issues. I think it's actually illegal to sell wild game. I know all of the "wild game" sold in restaurants is farmed. Venison almost always comes from farms of red deer (basically the European version of Elk) in New Zealand, and quail is farmed as well. There are licenses for commercial fishing and probably some species of land animals, but I don't think you could just buy from regular hunters. It'd be interesting to look into though. There's a butcher in Oregon that specializes in exotic meats like bear (which I know aren't farmed) so I could be wrong.
The second one is actually an incredible idea, but you'd be pitching this one to Arthur Blank instead of starting it up. Great service and would really work, but would be far too expensive without major outside investment. I'm actually surprised Home Depot or Lowes don't already run this as a side enterprise and I'm sure it's done locally in some places.
These are great ideas, and to let your readers in on a little secret, Chris comes up with a business idea about once every two days. Some other examples include a healthy fast-food drive-through and a Chuckee Cheese (sp?)-type place for dogs. One of these days, we'll put these ideas to use.
Oh, and my only concern on the deer meat is that we would eventually run out of them. They are overpopulated now, but if more and more people eat them, would they go extinct? I guess cows aren't extinct, so no...
The second one exists. I'm not going to do your homework for you, but I know I've heard of one or two companies that provide "handyman" services. They basically just connect customers with a local handyman, who may just be a retired part-timer. Maybe they haven't worked out, though, because I haven't heard anything about that in a while.
As long as we're inventing stuff, Chris, you should title yourself "Head Visionary" of your new company(s). That way you're absolved of having to figure out logistics and actually doing the work yourself. You just get to hire people to carry out your vision while you put your feet up on your fancy-shmancy desk and cackle maniacally in your piles of money.
My brilliant idea was to buy a fancy camera and printer and hook it up to a laptop out of the back of my van (to be purchased in addition to said fancy camer and printer).
I would then drive my car to as many little league games as I could handle and take professional pictures of the little kiddies in action.
I would then sell prints or photo CDs to the little kiddie parents for insane amounts of money.
Expansion options include making fake newspapers with headlines about the number one slugger or t-shirts or mugs or some other such nonsense.
Julie- That's a great idea! Seriously, we all know the shit pictures people pay for from "professional" studio photogs. Imagine what they would shell out for a good picture of little Jimmy sliding home for the winning run. What's stopping you? There must be a hundred ballfields within a two-mile radius of your home.
Courtney: I think Head Visionary positions are limited to a few select fields -- computer software, for example. However I would like to somehow work the word "master" into my title. I've always been jealous of webmasters for having such a cool title and wanted to be a "(fill in the blank) master."
I also think Julie's idea could go over pretty well, although I'd advise against much upfront investment (e.g. a van). But then again, that's why I'll never own a business, right? Risk averse.
Exactly the reason I have not yet executed that plan, Chris. I do not have the estimated $20,000 capital needed to invest in equipment (minus the van).
Could I get a loan for that? Sure, I could charge that on my AMEX. Do I want to do the math to figure out how long it will take me to break even or even make money? No. Then I wouldn't have time to do the job that pays the AMEX bill.
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