Friday, January 18, 2008

Bittersweet satisfaction

Well, you've all been aware of my recent shameless ploys to attract Google hits to this site, and having just received my weekly Sitemeter report I can happily inform you that my appetite has been appeased (for now).

The really good news is that my recent flood of Google hits (we're talking 12, maybe 13, by the way) came mostly as the result of decent, respectable search topics -- not related to aforementioned shameless ploys for hits.

More than half of those hits came from searches related to the movie "Juno," and if I had had the foresight (and technological know-how) to post sound bites of the movie's soundtrack with my review then I actually would have satisfied the desires of two or three of those Web searchers.

I also got a few hits from people literally searching for ways to waste (or "waist" in one instance) time online. I feel confident I helped those people out. One hit came from a person wanting the Internets to tell him or her "how to start my own meat processing company." Punk probably stole my deer meat idea, but if it helps stave off obesity for someone or slow the melting of the planet (by cutting down on flatulence-driven cattle industry emissions) then I most likely won't sue -- although in all fairness I should be entitled to some consulting fee and/or royalty payments on the idea. I've got your IP address, dude. Seriously, don't rip me off.

Only one of my glorious Google hits came from someone wanting to learn more about Britney. Sorry to let you down, guy, but I lied. There are no nude photos at this site, nor gossip-news about Britney's blunders, which was actually what you searched for. You must have had an insatiable appetite, too, because there's no way this site came up in the top 20 of your results list, given the vast amount of Britney-related drivel on the Web. (Almost forgot to put a parenthetical statement in this paragraph. That could have been ugly.)

So... there it is. A dozen or so random people spent an average of three seconds on my site, only to quickly click away without reading or commenting on anything (much less bookmarking me, I assume). I feel so interconnected.

12 comments:

Nicole said...

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You know what drove my hits up? And this was totally not to gain more readers. I posted a photo of a campbell's dwarf hamster on my site, and for the longest time my blog was the first 'google image hit' for either "campbell's dwarf hamster" and "dwarf hamster". So, all you have to do is post a photo of a rodent. Let me know the results. :)

Courtney said...

You do provide a valuable public service here, Chris. You're a gentleman and a scholar.

Mickey said...

Damn, son! Two days in a row! You keep the content up like this and you'll be getting more hits than a hippie at Woodstock.

Yeah, I had to go through a lot of Google pages to get to your blog. And then no pics of Britney! Why you gotta do a brotha like dat?!

Severo said...

why is Mickey using Black-speak?

Jacob said...

I mostly get Google Image hits, but I got a straight up google hit today for "music affecting mood" and I was like on the first page of that search somehow.

Julie said...

How does your wife feel about your satisfaction over having whored yourself out to the internets?

Senegal Daily said...

My favorite Google search resulting in my blog was...girls covered in Taco Bell hot sauce. Isn't that great?

I had posted about our day at the beach (covered in sand) and the homemade fajitas that needed a little kick, but we didn't have any...you guessed it...Taco Bell hot sauce.

I'll bet somebody was very disappointed in that Google search.

Meaghan said...

Wow, I really have to sign up to this site meter.

And Julie, Chris has been whoring himself out for years. This is nothing new.

Chris said...

Kari, I think you take the prize this round with "girls covered in Taco Bell hot sauce."

Where were you a couple of posts ago when we were trying to come up with enticing subject lines for spam e-mails?

Nicole said...

You're not an arse. It means a lot that you actually read the whole thing (*wipes away a tear*) and thanks for letting me know. I actually caught it about 10 minutes after I published the site and I changed #39 to "A Million Little Pieces" by James Frey and then just Saved the durn thing instead of publishing. It's published now. :) I'll give that book a look and the magazines as well. Cheers again!

shelleycoughlin said...

I often get google hits for "nerd", which is disheartening since I rarely use the word in posts.

How does Google know?

Julie said...

Chris, in honor of the fact that you are the one friend who actually cares about me (and thus the one to actually invite me to GoodReads despite the flurry of activity around that service in the month prior), I am going to offer this nugget of google hit wisdom to you. Use it wisely.

http://www.browniepointsblog.com/2008/01/20/homemade-bacon-vodka/

Sorry, I never bothered to learn how to make links actually work.