Just got a spam e-mail with the subject line "tasting the tits of two tawdry tarts." Really superb alliteration there.
See, if more spammers would use clever subject lines like this (plus spell all the words correctly) they might have more chance of people opening their e-mails. I mean, come on: aren't we all sick and tired of "supersize your penis" and "confidential request" (you know the one from the Nigerian prince who needs help transferring $17 million into the U.S. through your bank account). Come up with something more clever, guys.
From what I read and the comments of business people I've interviewed, I get the sense that companies are getting more interested in shifting toward e-mail marketing efforts and away from mail-based and other forms. I'm talking about legitimate companies that you might actually want to do business with, not just porn sites and penis enlargement companies.
(Aside: if I did want to enlarge my penis -- and I don't; this is strictly hypothetical -- would I take some product provided by a company I've never heard of and marketed to me via mass e-mail? I don't think so -- even if I did want or need to enlarge my penis, which I don't.)
But as long as all the e-advertising that you receive is such garbage, there's no chance that you'll ever open any of it. So it can't gain any credibility.
That's right folks: I'm trying to take a mindless post inspired by an alliterative e-mail subject line and turn it into a serious discussion of how e-mail could potentially gain ground as a legitimate means of advertising.
What a schmuck. I can't believe the six of you still read me.
But really, it would be much better environmentally if we could see that cultural shift happen, so that Papa Johns and Sonic would e-mail me coupons instead of sending them in paper form to my (snail)mailbox. I guess I'd have to give them my e-mail address for that to happen, though, huh?
On that note, do you think the phone book will ever list e-mail addresses? Or websites? I kind of hope not for the sake of this blog, because really I want more and more anonymity and more and more readership at the same time.
Oh cruel, paradoxical blogosphere. Why do you torment me?
Here's a link to a video of dancing monkeys. Just because. That should get me some Google hits.
And in conclusion, I shall attempt some clever, potentially alliterative subject lines that could be used in similar spam e-mails to the one I got today:
-Bouncing, bubbly blondes bare their boobs (that one was too obvious)
-Caught cute cooters on camera (are they cute? is that the quality I'd really want to advertise?)
-Girls giving guys the good stuff (not great, but it's a start)
Well, these are not nearly as clever as my inspiration, mentioned above. But this certainly should push up my Google hits. (Also: Britney Spears nude, naked midget jello wrestling, how to save money on your taxes)
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9 comments:
Really racy redheads reveal their rears?
Anally adventurous astronauts au naturale?
Absolutely awesome Arab ankles?
This is shameful, but I humor you anyway.
I realized this week that when I 'fall' for spam at work, I often fall for it on both my work email accounts. So basically, if it works - it works well. Of course, I can't recall a single example right now to give you, but will try to remember which kinds of subject lines trick me...often twice in a row.
I really like the Anally adventurous astronauts au naturale, although that technically doesn't involve alliteration because it's not the repitition of consonant sounds.
I especially like when I get spam from myself. It kinda freaks me out.
I think you might have found your calling Mickey. The redheads line is legitimately good stuff (in more ways than one).
Thanks for humoring me.
This is one of those posts that really backs up your blog name. I hope you realize Severo is going to take this and run. The fact that you overly mentioned that you don't want to increase your penis size probably made him pass out with delight!
It would be weird if the phone book listed e-mail addresses. For some reason that seems invasive, although communicating by e-mail is more detached than communicating by phone. Of course, I'm unlisted, so really neither one is OK with me.
Lusty lassies licking large lads.
Hot horny honeys handling hoses.
Nice ones, Julie.
But it's no fair. You've been honing your marketing mind for a while now, right?
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