As badly as I hate to admit it, I felt a brief rush of giddiness this afternoon when I realized I would not have to work for the next 11 days. It's been a while since I've had such a break to look forward to, considering I began my first professional job about four months before I graduated from college.
That first job -- as most of you are well aware, having worked for the same newspaper at some point -- did not allow me 11 days off for Christmas. Technically, my current job doesn't either, but it does provide me enough annual vacation days that I can arrange to have 11 days off for Christmas without that being my only time off for the whole year.
Did I mention I have 11 days off for Christmas? Because I do. Of course, some of those are weekend days (four, precisely) and then there are national holidays (two) when almost everyone is off -- except a handful of those poor souls still working for daily newspapers. So I actually only had to burn five of my vacation days to make this happen. And four plus two plus five equals 11 days off for Christmas.
By writing this post, I do not mean to gloat over those who do not have 11 days off for Christmas. I'm just strangely excited about having 11 days off for Christmas and can't stop writing about my 11 days off for Christmas. I feel like a schoolboy again, only as a working adult I have my own money and means of transportation and won't be at the mercy of my parents and the television to find entertainment during my 11 days off for Christmas.
Plus I haven't wet my pants or punched anyone in the stomach in a long time. That's another difference between me now and me as a schoolboy. And I don't wear that silly sailor suit and hat anymore.
Well, sometimes on special occasions.
Such as, when I have 11 days off for Christmas. But, as it turns out, I do have a full schedule of activities planned for these 11 days -- none of which will likely be appropriate occasions for sailor suits or punches in the stomach.
Then again, I suppose one never knows when the right occasion for a punch in the stomach might arise. I'll be prepared for that, just in case. And I suppose I could keep the sailor suit in the trunk of my car.
I don't know what the hell I'm talking about. Is anyone still reading this? Hello?
I've got to stop writing now before this devolves into some sort of beatnik poetry. Actually, that might be a step up at this point.
So Merry Christmas to my loyal readers. I hope you all get at least a little time off for Christmas. Those who don't might consider staging a live re-enactment of Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol" in your boss' home late Monday night. And I'll gladly post video footage from said re-enactment on this site (if I can figure out how to do that).
Friday, December 21, 2007
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
Yes, Virginia
This post is not about Santa Claus (which God help me, I just almost spelled with an 'e' on the end -- damn you, Tim Allen). It's about me wasting time. That is meant to be the theme of this blog, after all, now isn't it? And lately I just haven't done enough of it.
So I apologize to all those who rely on my time wasting to help them waste time in return.
Without further adieu (disregard previous post about not using cliches in good writing), I shall list things here. In no particular order. And the listing of them shall have no predetermined count. I shall list until I tire of listing (or assume that you readers may tire of reading) or I return to my senses with the urge to work and make money or exert some effort to prevent my mother's impending potential homelessness.
1. Just found my brother, a part time college professor, on RateMyProfessor.com. Apparently his students find him quite knowledgeable and eager to help them succeed, but also rather monotone and bearing some resemblance to Lurch. Quite observant, those students. I couldn't have said it better myself. (It's funnier if you know him. Sorry.)
2. No matter how many times I look at it, the Blogger logo always looks more like some foreign character than a letter B.
3. I'm fading fast.
4. My Dilbert one-a-day desk calendar is still showing Dec. 3. I've got some catching up to do.
5. Christmas shopping was unusually easy this year, maybe because I left Meaghan to do most of the shopping and all of the wrapping. Also, I stopped caring about getting people really good gifts and just bought the first thing that looked remotely like something they could potentially enjoy.
6. We bought small, plush teddy bears at IKEA for the babies. Strange place for teddy bears, but they were very soft and cheap. Sadie got one, too, and chewed the nose off it.
7. When writing articles for the online publication that employs me, we have to do this HTML coding trick where we type
at the end of each paragraph, to force a line break. So when I write on my blog, I have to restrain myself from typing that here as well. (I hope Blogger doesn't confuse my typing here for HTML code. If there's a strange break in the middle of this paragraph, I apologize.)
8. Eight.
9. Phone.
10. Printer.
11. Not
12. on
13. drugs,
14. I promise.
15. For some reason I just heard Ellen Degeneres' voice narrating this blog. Seemed funnier that way.
16. I don't know if I spelled Degeneres correctly, and I don't care to look it up right now. Suck it.
17. Courtney apparently shares her name with some sort of rock star or musician, I learned after some Googling inspired by Mickey's recent post on the subject.
18. I hope there's no contest for best blog post today, because I would score poorly. Meaghan and Courtney both have good showings, however, so congratulations to them. I declare them the semifinalists, and now the rest of you may vote for a winner -- or call a Constitutional Congress or simply implore the Supreme Court to pick their favorite, whichever you prefer for deciding close elections.
19. Bacon Soup is going to tear me a new one for this.
20.
So I apologize to all those who rely on my time wasting to help them waste time in return.
Without further adieu (disregard previous post about not using cliches in good writing), I shall list things here. In no particular order. And the listing of them shall have no predetermined count. I shall list until I tire of listing (or assume that you readers may tire of reading) or I return to my senses with the urge to work and make money or exert some effort to prevent my mother's impending potential homelessness.
1. Just found my brother, a part time college professor, on RateMyProfessor.com. Apparently his students find him quite knowledgeable and eager to help them succeed, but also rather monotone and bearing some resemblance to Lurch. Quite observant, those students. I couldn't have said it better myself. (It's funnier if you know him. Sorry.)
2. No matter how many times I look at it, the Blogger logo always looks more like some foreign character than a letter B.
3. I'm fading fast.
4. My Dilbert one-a-day desk calendar is still showing Dec. 3. I've got some catching up to do.
5. Christmas shopping was unusually easy this year, maybe because I left Meaghan to do most of the shopping and all of the wrapping. Also, I stopped caring about getting people really good gifts and just bought the first thing that looked remotely like something they could potentially enjoy.
6. We bought small, plush teddy bears at IKEA for the babies. Strange place for teddy bears, but they were very soft and cheap. Sadie got one, too, and chewed the nose off it.
7. When writing articles for the online publication that employs me, we have to do this HTML coding trick where we type
at the end of each paragraph, to force a line break. So when I write on my blog, I have to restrain myself from typing that here as well. (I hope Blogger doesn't confuse my typing here for HTML code. If there's a strange break in the middle of this paragraph, I apologize.)
8. Eight.
9. Phone.
10. Printer.
11. Not
12. on
13. drugs,
14. I promise.
15. For some reason I just heard Ellen Degeneres' voice narrating this blog. Seemed funnier that way.
16. I don't know if I spelled Degeneres correctly, and I don't care to look it up right now. Suck it.
17. Courtney apparently shares her name with some sort of rock star or musician, I learned after some Googling inspired by Mickey's recent post on the subject.
18. I hope there's no contest for best blog post today, because I would score poorly. Meaghan and Courtney both have good showings, however, so congratulations to them. I declare them the semifinalists, and now the rest of you may vote for a winner -- or call a Constitutional Congress or simply implore the Supreme Court to pick their favorite, whichever you prefer for deciding close elections.
19. Bacon Soup is going to tear me a new one for this.
20.
Monday, December 17, 2007
The pen is mightier than the sword
The old adage has never been more true than it is today, when the Internet makes it possible for millions of people around the world to read the words of a published writer (just like the millions of you reading this blog right now). In the same amount of time it takes to write a hurried essay, probably the best you could do with a sword is kill 15, maybe 20 samurai. Big deal.
So I'm going to share a few writing tips here for the following reasons: 1) I like writing and think it's important, useful and enjoyable; 2) Kari Masson asked me to; 3) I know nothing about swordplay, as my alternative topic given the title I've selected; 4) to piss off Mickey, who don't need no stinking writing tips.
Seriously, aspiring writers please disregard the preceding two paragraphs of garble. I haven't blogged in more than a week, and I have a backlog of mindless crap clouding my writer's judgment. Kari and Meaghan have each shared some great tips for beginning writers looking to get published, and I shall endeavor to come up with some slightly different ones, so as not to be totally redundant (and further piss off Mickey, I'm sure).
For starters, I'll confess that almost all of my published writing has been for a full-time employer, not as a freelancer, so I'm not sure I can offer anything specific to catching an editor's eye. I'll focus instead on some basics of good writing, which should go a long way toward catching said eye.
Step one: Cut a hole in a box. Wait, no, that's the wrong set of instructions.
Step one: Plan, research and write with focus. This goes hand-in-hand with Kari's tip regarding organization. Your article should have a strong sense of focus. Know precisely what you're writing about and what you're trying to say. Then, say it. Narrowing your topic is a key part of this concept. If you think you're going to publish a 500-word magazine article about Christmas, you're in trouble. It's way too broad to be focused (or interesting). 'Christmas trees' is getting closer, but still pretty broad. A brief history of the evolution of local Christmas tree traditions, as told by a few local holiday decor shop owners = much more focused.
Readers (and editors) shouldn't scratch their heads trying to figure out what an article is about. (And yes, I realize this post is a rather poor example of writing with focus. I'm trying to turn things around in the latter half.)
Step two: Avoid the cliche. I mean this in two ways: the cliche words and phrases that get overused to the point of losing their meaning, and the cliche article topics that get overused to the point of no longer being interesting.
On the first point, some editors/writers will disagree and say cliches can be a quick, even catchy way to communicate an idea or sentiment. I'll concede that is true in some cases, but more often cliches are just lazy devices that make your writing sound just like everyone else's writing (or speech). If you use cliches, make sure you do it for good reason. Otherwise, replace them with a clever original phrase, or even just plain old real words that literally mean what you're trying to say (see the "precise language" section below).
Secondly, don't write the same old article idea you've read a dozen times somewhere else. If you've read it a dozen times, then your would-be editor has probably had it pitched to her a hundred times. It's boring. Now, this doesn't mean you should find a completely bizarre topic. If you go too far, the readers will find it utterly foreign and irrelevant to them. (See Meaghan's point on knowing your audience) But you can bring them a fresh perspective on a familiar subject.
Step three: Use precise language. In addition to the point about cliches, carefully read your writing to make sure it means exactly what you intend it to mean. Consider your word choices, the order of words and phrases and even your punctuation, which can all lead to a potential misreading of your sentences. Slang can be OK, depending on the style of publication and your knowledge of your audience (again), but when in doubt just use direct language to say what you mean to say. Second-guess yourself, asking: does this sentence mean what I intended it to mean?
Step four: Read it aloud to yourself. You've probably heard this one before, but I think it can be very helpful, especially for beginning writers looking to crack into the craft. By reading aloud, you hear sections of the text that sound awkward and notice the places where you stumble over the wording. If you (the writer) stumble over a section while reading it aloud, you can be sure the reader will stumble over it.
Step five: Read, read, read. Here I'm not talking about your own text, but rather other people's writing. It's really the best way to improve your writing. Read online news sites, short feature articles, long articles, humor pieces, serious pieces, and so on. The more you read, the more you'll notice the way other writers compose their thoughts, vary their sentence structures, employ different styles and voices (depending on the subject matter and the audience). You'll improve your vocabulary and spelling skills. Also, you'll gain a general knowledge of the world around you, and without that you've got nothing to write about. If you have a certain magazine in which you're trying to get published, read that to see the writing styles and topics that are commonly included.
I've gone on too long and am certainly in no position to instruct on being concise, although that is helpful in many instances. I hope these tips will be helpful to someone and not too elementary. (Mickey, if he's still reading, is bored out of his mind, I am sure. That cliche is dedicated to you, Mickey. Merry Christmas.)
So I'm going to share a few writing tips here for the following reasons: 1) I like writing and think it's important, useful and enjoyable; 2) Kari Masson asked me to; 3) I know nothing about swordplay, as my alternative topic given the title I've selected; 4) to piss off Mickey, who don't need no stinking writing tips.
Seriously, aspiring writers please disregard the preceding two paragraphs of garble. I haven't blogged in more than a week, and I have a backlog of mindless crap clouding my writer's judgment. Kari and Meaghan have each shared some great tips for beginning writers looking to get published, and I shall endeavor to come up with some slightly different ones, so as not to be totally redundant (and further piss off Mickey, I'm sure).
For starters, I'll confess that almost all of my published writing has been for a full-time employer, not as a freelancer, so I'm not sure I can offer anything specific to catching an editor's eye. I'll focus instead on some basics of good writing, which should go a long way toward catching said eye.
Step one: Cut a hole in a box. Wait, no, that's the wrong set of instructions.
Step one: Plan, research and write with focus. This goes hand-in-hand with Kari's tip regarding organization. Your article should have a strong sense of focus. Know precisely what you're writing about and what you're trying to say. Then, say it. Narrowing your topic is a key part of this concept. If you think you're going to publish a 500-word magazine article about Christmas, you're in trouble. It's way too broad to be focused (or interesting). 'Christmas trees' is getting closer, but still pretty broad. A brief history of the evolution of local Christmas tree traditions, as told by a few local holiday decor shop owners = much more focused.
Readers (and editors) shouldn't scratch their heads trying to figure out what an article is about. (And yes, I realize this post is a rather poor example of writing with focus. I'm trying to turn things around in the latter half.)
Step two: Avoid the cliche. I mean this in two ways: the cliche words and phrases that get overused to the point of losing their meaning, and the cliche article topics that get overused to the point of no longer being interesting.
On the first point, some editors/writers will disagree and say cliches can be a quick, even catchy way to communicate an idea or sentiment. I'll concede that is true in some cases, but more often cliches are just lazy devices that make your writing sound just like everyone else's writing (or speech). If you use cliches, make sure you do it for good reason. Otherwise, replace them with a clever original phrase, or even just plain old real words that literally mean what you're trying to say (see the "precise language" section below).
Secondly, don't write the same old article idea you've read a dozen times somewhere else. If you've read it a dozen times, then your would-be editor has probably had it pitched to her a hundred times. It's boring. Now, this doesn't mean you should find a completely bizarre topic. If you go too far, the readers will find it utterly foreign and irrelevant to them. (See Meaghan's point on knowing your audience) But you can bring them a fresh perspective on a familiar subject.
Step three: Use precise language. In addition to the point about cliches, carefully read your writing to make sure it means exactly what you intend it to mean. Consider your word choices, the order of words and phrases and even your punctuation, which can all lead to a potential misreading of your sentences. Slang can be OK, depending on the style of publication and your knowledge of your audience (again), but when in doubt just use direct language to say what you mean to say. Second-guess yourself, asking: does this sentence mean what I intended it to mean?
Step four: Read it aloud to yourself. You've probably heard this one before, but I think it can be very helpful, especially for beginning writers looking to crack into the craft. By reading aloud, you hear sections of the text that sound awkward and notice the places where you stumble over the wording. If you (the writer) stumble over a section while reading it aloud, you can be sure the reader will stumble over it.
Step five: Read, read, read. Here I'm not talking about your own text, but rather other people's writing. It's really the best way to improve your writing. Read online news sites, short feature articles, long articles, humor pieces, serious pieces, and so on. The more you read, the more you'll notice the way other writers compose their thoughts, vary their sentence structures, employ different styles and voices (depending on the subject matter and the audience). You'll improve your vocabulary and spelling skills. Also, you'll gain a general knowledge of the world around you, and without that you've got nothing to write about. If you have a certain magazine in which you're trying to get published, read that to see the writing styles and topics that are commonly included.
I've gone on too long and am certainly in no position to instruct on being concise, although that is helpful in many instances. I hope these tips will be helpful to someone and not too elementary. (Mickey, if he's still reading, is bored out of his mind, I am sure. That cliche is dedicated to you, Mickey. Merry Christmas.)
Thursday, December 6, 2007
WTF?
Highway to heaven?
I thought you'd all like to know that some real, honest-to-goodness Bible scholars in Texas have determined Interstate 35 to be the holy highway that Isaiah prophesied about in the Old Testament. They're praying to see all the "evildoers" (to quote that great orator George W. Bush) purged from the cities along that highway and for a great groundswell of righteousness there.
I know. I know. I was skeptical at first, too. I mean, some so-called scholar is all the time predicting when the world is going to end and then the date comes and goes and we're all still here.
But then I saw in the video how these guys figured it out. You see they used some pretty irrefutable mathematical calculation on this one. I'll try to summarize it as best I can understand it: (bear with me, cause this is heady stuff)
The highway referenced in prophecy must be I-35 because the text appears in Isaiah, chapter 35.
This is really groundbreaking shit, theologically speaking.
I think this is my answer to Jacob's pondering earlier this week about what kind of long, unusual journey or road trip he would like to take. He suggested crossing the U.S. in some sort of animal-drawn wagon, if I recall correctly.
Well, I've got my calling now. I'm destined for a long, arduous journey up the I-35 corridor, from Texas to Michigan (I think).
How will I do it? That's the question of the hour.
I could always walk. Or ride an ass. Those would be very Jesus-like ways to travel.
Let's see. I could also have someone drive slowly through the downtown areas of all the major cities along the way, as I stood in the back of a pickup truck spreading the word through a bullhorn. Hm, that sounds a lot like a politician, though. I don't want people to think I'm running for office.
Well, however I decide to travel, you can bet I'll be stopping at all the churches along the way, PromiseLand for starters. But you can also bet I'll be skipping those hippie liberal Presbyterians like the guy in the video. No sir, I want to go places where my message of I-35 holiness will be received by open hearts and minds.
I'm giving first priority to those nondenominational "Six Flags Over Georgia churches," to borrow Severo's terminology. Second priority are the Baptists. Churches with seven or more words in their name (The Great Holy Israel Grace of God Rapture Preparation Temple, for example) and/or those operating out of people's houses get third priority. Anything after that just depends on how much time I have.
I'll be looking for volunteer support staff to help iron out the logistics and make all this possible. Advance planning is important for a successful interstate missionary march. And, of course, I'll need at least one volunteer standing directly behind me at all times during the trip to carry my supplies and sell T-shirts to onlookers as we pass. (Don't fight, loyal readers. You guys can take turns. It will be a long trip.)
Um, some initial T-shirt ideas: We could draw cartoon legs and arms on an image of the I-35 sign and illustrate it kneeling in prayer. And maybe another shirt that people would want to put on right away as the march progresses: just a plain white shirt with the word "FOLLOWER" in big letters across the front. I'm just kicking some things around here. I'm open to other suggestions.
Also, one other thing, I'm going to need someone (and this really should be a full-time job for one single person throughout the trip) to make notes along the way about what I see, experience, think, feel and the conversations that I have and souls that I save. Then, when we finish you can just type that up in a narrative form of, you know, 80,000 to 100,000 words or so, and I'll take it from there. I assure you your rewards will be great in Heaven.
I'm am so stoked about the great I-35 revival of 2008 (and possibly 2009; I don't know how long it will take to walk the full interstate).
Saturday, December 1, 2007
My perfect world?
I'm intrigued by these "perfect world" posts that Meaghan and Jacob have written. And what am I if not a mindless follower? So I'm trying to figure out what my perfect world would be like...
This might be tough for me, as I pride myself on my logical thinking and fantasy is not a strength of mine, but I'll do my best.
In my perfect world, all of my family members would find a precise balance (a perfect balance, you might say) of time with me and time with other people. As it is now (in the imperfect world), it seems that the family members with whom I want to spend more time are very busy, as am I, and the ones whose company I enjoy less (sorry, but true) want more and more of my time -- despite my being busy. Same goes for friends.
Basically, I'm saying perfect relationships all around. Magic.
Hm. Next... I'd certainly go along with the not having to work a regular full-time job. I wouldn't want to get lazy and find myself watching Jerry Spring and People's Court every day. But it would sure be nice to have ample time (and energy) to go for runs, read good books, cook my own meals, play with my dog, hang out with my wife, etc. etc.
And I'd want to have plenty of time and money to travel.
Ugh... I can't do it. This is all too easy. I'm too realistic to make the whole world perfect.
Bear with me while I channel my inner Michael Jackson. What? Why are you laughing? Yes, I do have an inner Michael, and I don't mean that I like little boys or plastic noses. I mean: I'm starting with the man in the mirror.
A more perfect life for me? That would mean I would exercise regularly, for starters, and eat more healthful food. I start there not because it's most important to me, but because I think those things would give me the increased energy to do all the other things I want to do.
Those other things? Well, I would actually get back to writing my "novel". I put it in quotes because I am terribly pessimistic that it will ever be finished, and if it does get finished I'm not sure it will be considered a novel -- maybe a novella, maybe a really long short story. Either way, I do want to finish it. And then write another, and another. I enjoy writing fiction when I force myself to sit down and do it. But as my faithful blog readers have probably noticed, I am not the most disciplined about writing outside my full-time job -- which unfortunately right now is about the most uncreative writing job I can imagine.
Next, I would devote more time, energy and money to charitable work. Actually, this probably should be first, in terms of its importance to me. All through high school and then even more so in college, I always pictured myself growing up to be a very giving person, a chronic volunteer, someone who would work hard to help those less fortunate. I've always despised those people who make good money and have jobs that allow them ample free time, and yet they keep it all to themselves. I guess I always really bought into the motto (or official college scripture, or whatever it was) of Berry College: Those who have received much will be expected to give much -- that's a crude paraphrase.
Well, I'm five years out of college now. I have received much, but I ain't done shit for anybody else. I make occasional charitable donations, mostly around the holidays like every other self-centered upper middle-class schmuck. And I couldn't tell you the last time I did any form of volunteer work.
One more thing I'll wrap this up with... I'd eventually get into a full-time job about which I had at least a little passion. Now I'm not bitching. I've got a good job with a good company and it's a world away from life at the Rome News-Tribune (in a good way). But I do find it hard to get motivated about writing leads for investment bankers -- which is essentially what I do.
Despite the title of this post, I'm not asking for a perfect job. And I'm not saying I'm fed up with this one. But on my list of ways I'd like to improve myself, I feel I should include figuring out what I'd really enjoy doing for a living and (at least) gradually working my way in that direction.
Now, if item No. 1 (writing fiction) and item No. 3 (finding a rewarding career path) happen to intersect, that'd be great. But I'm not ready to give up a steady paycheck and health insurance anytime soon.
This might be tough for me, as I pride myself on my logical thinking and fantasy is not a strength of mine, but I'll do my best.
In my perfect world, all of my family members would find a precise balance (a perfect balance, you might say) of time with me and time with other people. As it is now (in the imperfect world), it seems that the family members with whom I want to spend more time are very busy, as am I, and the ones whose company I enjoy less (sorry, but true) want more and more of my time -- despite my being busy. Same goes for friends.
Basically, I'm saying perfect relationships all around. Magic.
Hm. Next... I'd certainly go along with the not having to work a regular full-time job. I wouldn't want to get lazy and find myself watching Jerry Spring and People's Court every day. But it would sure be nice to have ample time (and energy) to go for runs, read good books, cook my own meals, play with my dog, hang out with my wife, etc. etc.
And I'd want to have plenty of time and money to travel.
Ugh... I can't do it. This is all too easy. I'm too realistic to make the whole world perfect.
Bear with me while I channel my inner Michael Jackson. What? Why are you laughing? Yes, I do have an inner Michael, and I don't mean that I like little boys or plastic noses. I mean: I'm starting with the man in the mirror.
A more perfect life for me? That would mean I would exercise regularly, for starters, and eat more healthful food. I start there not because it's most important to me, but because I think those things would give me the increased energy to do all the other things I want to do.
Those other things? Well, I would actually get back to writing my "novel". I put it in quotes because I am terribly pessimistic that it will ever be finished, and if it does get finished I'm not sure it will be considered a novel -- maybe a novella, maybe a really long short story. Either way, I do want to finish it. And then write another, and another. I enjoy writing fiction when I force myself to sit down and do it. But as my faithful blog readers have probably noticed, I am not the most disciplined about writing outside my full-time job -- which unfortunately right now is about the most uncreative writing job I can imagine.
Next, I would devote more time, energy and money to charitable work. Actually, this probably should be first, in terms of its importance to me. All through high school and then even more so in college, I always pictured myself growing up to be a very giving person, a chronic volunteer, someone who would work hard to help those less fortunate. I've always despised those people who make good money and have jobs that allow them ample free time, and yet they keep it all to themselves. I guess I always really bought into the motto (or official college scripture, or whatever it was) of Berry College: Those who have received much will be expected to give much -- that's a crude paraphrase.
Well, I'm five years out of college now. I have received much, but I ain't done shit for anybody else. I make occasional charitable donations, mostly around the holidays like every other self-centered upper middle-class schmuck. And I couldn't tell you the last time I did any form of volunteer work.
One more thing I'll wrap this up with... I'd eventually get into a full-time job about which I had at least a little passion. Now I'm not bitching. I've got a good job with a good company and it's a world away from life at the Rome News-Tribune (in a good way). But I do find it hard to get motivated about writing leads for investment bankers -- which is essentially what I do.
Despite the title of this post, I'm not asking for a perfect job. And I'm not saying I'm fed up with this one. But on my list of ways I'd like to improve myself, I feel I should include figuring out what I'd really enjoy doing for a living and (at least) gradually working my way in that direction.
Now, if item No. 1 (writing fiction) and item No. 3 (finding a rewarding career path) happen to intersect, that'd be great. But I'm not ready to give up a steady paycheck and health insurance anytime soon.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
The propaganda machine
I've been rolling around the ideas of sustainable living, environmentally friendly lifestyles, etc., and my hope to see those movements become mainstream practices. And I've run into a problem.
In American culture, it seems that people have gotten too accustomed to doing and buying whatever the billboards and TV ads tell them to do or buy. And while I don't have any hard numbers at my finger tips, I'm guessing the vast majority of those ads are paid for by for-profit companies, looking to sell some product or service (or disservice, in the case of airline travel -- ba doom boom).
So if a large percentage of the actions, purchases and behaviors of Americans are dictated by companies looking to sell a product or service, it stands to reason that sustainable lifestyles would only become truly mainstream if those companies found ways to (profitably) sell products and services that contributed to sustainable lifestyles.
My problem is: that isn't happening, and I have a hard time imagining it.
Think about it. Television manufacturers want you to buy as many big, expensive TVs as possible. From a profit perspective, they've got no motivation to encourage you to keep and repair your old TV instead of sending it to the landfill and buying three new ones.
Beverage companies want you to buy all the bottled water you can drink, shy of getting one of those rare cases of water poisoning and suing them. (They don't like being sued.) It doesn't matter to them, at least not in any financial way, that you would consume far fewer of the earth's resources by filtering and drinking the water out of your own tap at home or the office.
So the TV companies and the bottled water companies and hundreds of other types of companies all bombard you with the same message: Buy more. And in doing that, they counter any secondary, subcultural messages you may be getting to consume less -- which is one of the key messages, if not the key message, that we need for true sustainable living.
Don't get me wrong: I think we're seeing some good progress toward environmental awareness among the general population. We're slowly seeing more hybrid cars on the road. We're seeing some movements toward increased alternative fuel sources, both for vehicles and electric power generation.
But generally speaking, the trends we're seeing are schemes to reduce our impact without resorting to conservation or simpler living, and even those trends are far from mainstream.
So contrary to my journalistic, anti-brainwashing upbringing, I find myself contemplating these questions: How could media messages be tailored to further a more mainstream acceptance of environmentally sustainable living, i.e. conservation? And more to the point, who would pay for these messages?
Maybe there are companies out there now missing the boat (sorry, cliche) on advertising their pro-sustainability products and services as such. For example, Brita and other home water filter companies could be on TV telling you to buy their filters and reusable water bottles instead of disposable bottled water. Maybe they are doing this somewhere, and I'm just not seeing it. And maybe there are other companies that could revise or broaden their product/service offering to cater to the sustainability market (and hopefully promote the expansion of that market).
This is rather nerdy, I realize. And I think I might have just given away a good idea for a specialty startup advertising agency to the internets (as Courtney and Mickey call it). But, I'm interested in hearing your thoughts on the subject, if any. Mickey, I know you probably have some, and feel free to make your own post out of them if they're too much for the comment section. (No pressure.)
In American culture, it seems that people have gotten too accustomed to doing and buying whatever the billboards and TV ads tell them to do or buy. And while I don't have any hard numbers at my finger tips, I'm guessing the vast majority of those ads are paid for by for-profit companies, looking to sell some product or service (or disservice, in the case of airline travel -- ba doom boom).
So if a large percentage of the actions, purchases and behaviors of Americans are dictated by companies looking to sell a product or service, it stands to reason that sustainable lifestyles would only become truly mainstream if those companies found ways to (profitably) sell products and services that contributed to sustainable lifestyles.
My problem is: that isn't happening, and I have a hard time imagining it.
Think about it. Television manufacturers want you to buy as many big, expensive TVs as possible. From a profit perspective, they've got no motivation to encourage you to keep and repair your old TV instead of sending it to the landfill and buying three new ones.
Beverage companies want you to buy all the bottled water you can drink, shy of getting one of those rare cases of water poisoning and suing them. (They don't like being sued.) It doesn't matter to them, at least not in any financial way, that you would consume far fewer of the earth's resources by filtering and drinking the water out of your own tap at home or the office.
So the TV companies and the bottled water companies and hundreds of other types of companies all bombard you with the same message: Buy more. And in doing that, they counter any secondary, subcultural messages you may be getting to consume less -- which is one of the key messages, if not the key message, that we need for true sustainable living.
Don't get me wrong: I think we're seeing some good progress toward environmental awareness among the general population. We're slowly seeing more hybrid cars on the road. We're seeing some movements toward increased alternative fuel sources, both for vehicles and electric power generation.
But generally speaking, the trends we're seeing are schemes to reduce our impact without resorting to conservation or simpler living, and even those trends are far from mainstream.
So contrary to my journalistic, anti-brainwashing upbringing, I find myself contemplating these questions: How could media messages be tailored to further a more mainstream acceptance of environmentally sustainable living, i.e. conservation? And more to the point, who would pay for these messages?
Maybe there are companies out there now missing the boat (sorry, cliche) on advertising their pro-sustainability products and services as such. For example, Brita and other home water filter companies could be on TV telling you to buy their filters and reusable water bottles instead of disposable bottled water. Maybe they are doing this somewhere, and I'm just not seeing it. And maybe there are other companies that could revise or broaden their product/service offering to cater to the sustainability market (and hopefully promote the expansion of that market).
This is rather nerdy, I realize. And I think I might have just given away a good idea for a specialty startup advertising agency to the internets (as Courtney and Mickey call it). But, I'm interested in hearing your thoughts on the subject, if any. Mickey, I know you probably have some, and feel free to make your own post out of them if they're too much for the comment section. (No pressure.)
Monday, November 26, 2007
Belated shout-outs / holla backs
I've been meaning to extend a 'thanks' and return two blogger favors for a couple of weeks now -- but alas, as Jacob points out my blogging brain seems to work on geologic time.
Two of Meaghan's old college friends (that's an expression, as they aren't actually old) recently gave this blog nice recommendations and/or links from their blogs. So, in return, I recommend you check out the following:
-Nicole's blog (along with British significant other Simon): A Brit and his Grits
-Kari's blog (along with husband Jonathan): C'est la vie...a running update on the Massons
Now, these are cultured ladies -- Nicole having just returned from an extended stay in England and Kari currently living in Lyon, France, after prior experience doing health education work (I think?) in Africa, where she met her husband.
So, the point is, don't expect the typical American tripe that you read on this site. Kari frequently provides miniature French lessons at her site. Nicole likes to recommend other useful websites and advocate charity organizations, in addition to reporting on the Saga of the Taco Bell incident. (I'm not sure the incident has actually reached saga proportions yet, but I am hopeful.)
Despite the sarcastic tone that I can't seem to escape, this is a genuine recommendation. These are two experienced bloggers with interesting stories to tell, so maybe we amateurs can learn a thing or two from them.
Well, go on then...
Two of Meaghan's old college friends (that's an expression, as they aren't actually old) recently gave this blog nice recommendations and/or links from their blogs. So, in return, I recommend you check out the following:
-Nicole's blog (along with British significant other Simon): A Brit and his Grits
-Kari's blog (along with husband Jonathan): C'est la vie...a running update on the Massons
Now, these are cultured ladies -- Nicole having just returned from an extended stay in England and Kari currently living in Lyon, France, after prior experience doing health education work (I think?) in Africa, where she met her husband.
So, the point is, don't expect the typical American tripe that you read on this site. Kari frequently provides miniature French lessons at her site. Nicole likes to recommend other useful websites and advocate charity organizations, in addition to reporting on the Saga of the Taco Bell incident. (I'm not sure the incident has actually reached saga proportions yet, but I am hopeful.)
Despite the sarcastic tone that I can't seem to escape, this is a genuine recommendation. These are two experienced bloggers with interesting stories to tell, so maybe we amateurs can learn a thing or two from them.
Well, go on then...
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Top 10 things I'm year-end-review thankful for
I'm gonna beat you suckahs to the punch with a couple of cliche post topics rolled into one. I know in a couple of days bloggers all over the country will write about what they're thankful for, and then in about six weeks they'll once again seasonally conspire to write their personal year-end reviews. Well, here are both of mine combined, two days and about six weeks early, respectively. (Sorry, Mickey. I know you'll hate me for being cliche.)
So, it's been a tough year in some respects for me and the missus, particularly the last four months. Family problems have weighed heavily on our minds and wallets, not to mention put a serious pinch on our free time. But, in retrospect, we've both enjoyed a lot of good things -- some new, some pre-existing -- so I'm going to write about those, being the optimist that I am.*
On to the list then (of the top 10 things I'm thankful for this year, as a review of sorts):
10.** Meaghan and I both got new and improved jobs this year -- she as a graphic designer in the PR office of my college alma mater, I as a financial journalist for an online news service specializing in corporate mergers and acquisitions. (It's every bit as nerdy as it sounds. Some days it's nerdier than it sounds.)
9. After nine months (me) and five months (Meaghan) on said new jobs, we both still enjoy them and have yet to discover any lurking deadly secrets about the organizations that employ us. Granted no company (or college) is perfect and there will always be inefficiencies and incompetence here and there, but I think we've both found our new jobs to contain far fewer examples of those than our previous employer. Plus, we're getting better benefits, better hours, less stress, etc.
8. For all the stress and headaches of aforementioned family turmoil, it seems that the mentally ill family member in question may very well find herself in a healthier situation now and in the future than where she was before the most recent crisis. (Sorry to be so vague, guys. It's just not something I feel like blogging about in detail.)
7. After a few years of discussing and saving for it, we finally took our vacation to Italy this summer. It was certainly the most beautiful and memorable trip we've had the chance to take together. We did the obligatory historical sight-seeing in Rome, which was very cool, but I think Meaghan and I were in agreement that our time in Tuscany -- mostly relaxing and wine tasting -- was the most enjoyable.
6. In the category of non-new blessings, Meaghan and I have continued to progress on the update of our semi-historic home. Depending on whom you ask, the house's original construction dates to somewhere between the 1920s and 1950s. Our remodeling/renovation work began in April 2005 and has been a highly rewarding experience. We've learned a lot and done a lot of things that three years ago I could not have imagined we would be doing (e.g. installing ceramic tile in bathroom floors, including one with a mosaic-style border pattern). Sure, we could have bought a newer house and dodged a lot of the repairs we've had to make, but I'm glad we didn't.
5. We finally have high-speed Internet at home (thanks to my new job, which reimburses me for it). I'm not such a technology junkie that the Internet would normally make my 'things I'm thankful for' list. But, as it turns out, it has led me into the world of blogging that, among other benefits, has given me a good way to stay in touch with friends with whom I wasn't communicating very often before blogging. So I'll try to do a better job of writing in mine regularly, guys, instead of just reading yours everyday.
I guess what I'm really saying here is I'm thankful for my friends and family, and the Internet makes it easier to communicate and keep up with those who don't live nearby. So make a note: No. 5 is friends and family, not the Internet. Sorry Al Gore.
4. I shouldn't make a 'thankful' list without mentioning my health. It's easy to take for granted, but God knows I certainly don't always eat well or exercise regularly. Nevertheless, I've been very blessed with continuing good health. Without that, it would be hard to enjoy any of this other stuff.
3. Meaghan and I are (still) slowly settling into a church that we both like here in Rome, as I (still) work to sort of redefine my faith. A few years ago, I doubted whether I would ever find a church I would enjoy again, given my strong distaste for the intolerance and empty rituals that seem to be so prevalent in organized religion. We seem to have found a place where people know how to be genuine human beings and Christians at the same time -- something to definitely be thankful for.
2. Silly as it will sound to non-dog people, I am thankful for our dog Sadie. Her sweet demeanor and funny personality bring so much stress relief and humor into our lives. Again, this falls into the not-new-this-year category. We picked her up from the animal shelter exactly one week after we moved into our house in 2005.
1. You saw it coming, I suspect. And sorry, Jacob, you'll want to stop reading now. My No. 1 thing I'm thankful for this year (as in the past 10 years) is Meaghan. She's the perfect companion for me, an easy-going roommate and my best friend. I know it sounds sappy, but it's true.
Of course there are other things I'm thankful for: "Family Guy" reruns, "The Office" new episodes, my Jack Johnson CD collection (don't judge him by the songs on the radio), that the neighborhood kids are getting older and a little less destructive. But I've gone on long enough. Thank you and good night.
*Actually, I am not an optimist. However, I do find it refreshing to occasionally focus on good thoughts, in place of my usual analysis and overanalysis of life's problems and how they might be solved. This is that occasion. Enjoy.
**The order of the list might or might not hold significance as to the degree of thankfulness for each item. I am far too indecisive to pick a "favorite" in almost any category or situation.
So, it's been a tough year in some respects for me and the missus, particularly the last four months. Family problems have weighed heavily on our minds and wallets, not to mention put a serious pinch on our free time. But, in retrospect, we've both enjoyed a lot of good things -- some new, some pre-existing -- so I'm going to write about those, being the optimist that I am.*
On to the list then (of the top 10 things I'm thankful for this year, as a review of sorts):
10.** Meaghan and I both got new and improved jobs this year -- she as a graphic designer in the PR office of my college alma mater, I as a financial journalist for an online news service specializing in corporate mergers and acquisitions. (It's every bit as nerdy as it sounds. Some days it's nerdier than it sounds.)
9. After nine months (me) and five months (Meaghan) on said new jobs, we both still enjoy them and have yet to discover any lurking deadly secrets about the organizations that employ us. Granted no company (or college) is perfect and there will always be inefficiencies and incompetence here and there, but I think we've both found our new jobs to contain far fewer examples of those than our previous employer. Plus, we're getting better benefits, better hours, less stress, etc.
8. For all the stress and headaches of aforementioned family turmoil, it seems that the mentally ill family member in question may very well find herself in a healthier situation now and in the future than where she was before the most recent crisis. (Sorry to be so vague, guys. It's just not something I feel like blogging about in detail.)
7. After a few years of discussing and saving for it, we finally took our vacation to Italy this summer. It was certainly the most beautiful and memorable trip we've had the chance to take together. We did the obligatory historical sight-seeing in Rome, which was very cool, but I think Meaghan and I were in agreement that our time in Tuscany -- mostly relaxing and wine tasting -- was the most enjoyable.
6. In the category of non-new blessings, Meaghan and I have continued to progress on the update of our semi-historic home. Depending on whom you ask, the house's original construction dates to somewhere between the 1920s and 1950s. Our remodeling/renovation work began in April 2005 and has been a highly rewarding experience. We've learned a lot and done a lot of things that three years ago I could not have imagined we would be doing (e.g. installing ceramic tile in bathroom floors, including one with a mosaic-style border pattern). Sure, we could have bought a newer house and dodged a lot of the repairs we've had to make, but I'm glad we didn't.
5. We finally have high-speed Internet at home (thanks to my new job, which reimburses me for it). I'm not such a technology junkie that the Internet would normally make my 'things I'm thankful for' list. But, as it turns out, it has led me into the world of blogging that, among other benefits, has given me a good way to stay in touch with friends with whom I wasn't communicating very often before blogging. So I'll try to do a better job of writing in mine regularly, guys, instead of just reading yours everyday.
I guess what I'm really saying here is I'm thankful for my friends and family, and the Internet makes it easier to communicate and keep up with those who don't live nearby. So make a note: No. 5 is friends and family, not the Internet. Sorry Al Gore.
4. I shouldn't make a 'thankful' list without mentioning my health. It's easy to take for granted, but God knows I certainly don't always eat well or exercise regularly. Nevertheless, I've been very blessed with continuing good health. Without that, it would be hard to enjoy any of this other stuff.
3. Meaghan and I are (still) slowly settling into a church that we both like here in Rome, as I (still) work to sort of redefine my faith. A few years ago, I doubted whether I would ever find a church I would enjoy again, given my strong distaste for the intolerance and empty rituals that seem to be so prevalent in organized religion. We seem to have found a place where people know how to be genuine human beings and Christians at the same time -- something to definitely be thankful for.
2. Silly as it will sound to non-dog people, I am thankful for our dog Sadie. Her sweet demeanor and funny personality bring so much stress relief and humor into our lives. Again, this falls into the not-new-this-year category. We picked her up from the animal shelter exactly one week after we moved into our house in 2005.
1. You saw it coming, I suspect. And sorry, Jacob, you'll want to stop reading now. My No. 1 thing I'm thankful for this year (as in the past 10 years) is Meaghan. She's the perfect companion for me, an easy-going roommate and my best friend. I know it sounds sappy, but it's true.
Of course there are other things I'm thankful for: "Family Guy" reruns, "The Office" new episodes, my Jack Johnson CD collection (don't judge him by the songs on the radio), that the neighborhood kids are getting older and a little less destructive. But I've gone on long enough. Thank you and good night.
*Actually, I am not an optimist. However, I do find it refreshing to occasionally focus on good thoughts, in place of my usual analysis and overanalysis of life's problems and how they might be solved. This is that occasion. Enjoy.
**The order of the list might or might not hold significance as to the degree of thankfulness for each item. I am far too indecisive to pick a "favorite" in almost any category or situation.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Single-file line, eyes forward
Ah, another business trip and another reminder of one of life's true, pure joys -- air travel.
For those readers who don't know me that well: that was sarcasm, bitter sarcasm to be more specific.
Even when a flight goes smoothly and arrives on time, the experience of flying on a commercial airline is by far the worst thing a corporation has ever given me in exchange for a couple hundred American dollars.
The air system and reading lights never quite work. The cramped seating makes those old yellow school buses seem like luxury coaches. And your luggage (if you're dumb enough to check it in) could end up pretty much anywhere. Not to mention that no matter how short the flight itself, flying anywhere generally manages to take up my entire day.
For the most part, I get the sense that the airport workers know how much the experience blows, and so they habitually greet you with scowls and grimaces, as a means of conditioning you psychologically for all the unpleasantries that lie ahead.
However, while checking in for my recent flight to Dallas I encountered a TSA worker of a different variety -- a borderline jolly black gentleman who instructed us cooly through the security checkpoint.
It was here, listening to this gentleman's instructions, that I was taken back to elementary school. That is not to say I specifically had to remove my shoes and carry all my liquid supplies in a clear quart-sized baggie with a zipper top when I went to school, but I do recall often being bombarded with a laundry list of instructions.
When we sat at our desks, it was feet on the floor, no talking, no sleeping, no passing notes. When the teacher led us to the cafeteria or anywhere else en masse, it was single file line, no touching, no loud talking, look straight ahead, no tripping, no pushing (these overlapped with no touching, I think).
So it occurred to me at the airport that the security checkpoint rules might very well be a massive government experiment to see how well Americans can follow basic instructions. I think we're failing, from what I can tell. I'm the only person I've ever seen actually take out their quart-size bag of toiletries for independent X-ray. People also have a hard time understanding that they should remove their luggage from the conveyor after they pass the metal detector, rather than standing there for five minutes repacking their laptops and putting on their shoes.
But at least one TSA worker has decided to take the (friendly) elementary school teacher approach. This gentleman I saw yesterday employed sing-songy instructions and rhymes in his best radio announcer voice to convey messages such as: "Did you know there are tables in the rear for your repacking and redressing convenience? Please take your gear and head to the rear." And repeat, of course, "Take your gear and head to the rear."
There was also this line, which might have been demeaning had it not been delivered in such a charming tone: "Please have your boarding pass out in your hand. Look at your hand. Do you see a boarding pass there?"
His personality was a nice break from the otherwise sterile, almost hostile airport experience. Still, I can imagine his wife is probably ready to rip out his smart-ass tongue.
For those readers who don't know me that well: that was sarcasm, bitter sarcasm to be more specific.
Even when a flight goes smoothly and arrives on time, the experience of flying on a commercial airline is by far the worst thing a corporation has ever given me in exchange for a couple hundred American dollars.
The air system and reading lights never quite work. The cramped seating makes those old yellow school buses seem like luxury coaches. And your luggage (if you're dumb enough to check it in) could end up pretty much anywhere. Not to mention that no matter how short the flight itself, flying anywhere generally manages to take up my entire day.
For the most part, I get the sense that the airport workers know how much the experience blows, and so they habitually greet you with scowls and grimaces, as a means of conditioning you psychologically for all the unpleasantries that lie ahead.
However, while checking in for my recent flight to Dallas I encountered a TSA worker of a different variety -- a borderline jolly black gentleman who instructed us cooly through the security checkpoint.
It was here, listening to this gentleman's instructions, that I was taken back to elementary school. That is not to say I specifically had to remove my shoes and carry all my liquid supplies in a clear quart-sized baggie with a zipper top when I went to school, but I do recall often being bombarded with a laundry list of instructions.
When we sat at our desks, it was feet on the floor, no talking, no sleeping, no passing notes. When the teacher led us to the cafeteria or anywhere else en masse, it was single file line, no touching, no loud talking, look straight ahead, no tripping, no pushing (these overlapped with no touching, I think).
So it occurred to me at the airport that the security checkpoint rules might very well be a massive government experiment to see how well Americans can follow basic instructions. I think we're failing, from what I can tell. I'm the only person I've ever seen actually take out their quart-size bag of toiletries for independent X-ray. People also have a hard time understanding that they should remove their luggage from the conveyor after they pass the metal detector, rather than standing there for five minutes repacking their laptops and putting on their shoes.
But at least one TSA worker has decided to take the (friendly) elementary school teacher approach. This gentleman I saw yesterday employed sing-songy instructions and rhymes in his best radio announcer voice to convey messages such as: "Did you know there are tables in the rear for your repacking and redressing convenience? Please take your gear and head to the rear." And repeat, of course, "Take your gear and head to the rear."
There was also this line, which might have been demeaning had it not been delivered in such a charming tone: "Please have your boarding pass out in your hand. Look at your hand. Do you see a boarding pass there?"
His personality was a nice break from the otherwise sterile, almost hostile airport experience. Still, I can imagine his wife is probably ready to rip out his smart-ass tongue.
Friday, November 9, 2007
Where is Ralph Nader, by the way?
So, it just occurred to me that I haven't heard a thing from old Ralph Nader so far in this (pre-)presidential campaign season.
My knowledge of political history is far from rock solid -- certainly nothing compared to Jacob's knowledge of world dictators; see his blog at right -- but as I recall Nader has been the Green Party candidate for president the last several times around. Granted, in the past he has been lucky to get 2 percent of the vote, so ordinarily I wouldn't blame him if he had finally decided to give up his presidential dreams and settle for being master of his own domain (the only title we can each hold firmly for ourselves -- sorry, I'll stop).
But, in case no one has noticed, we seem to be right now in the midst of a media onslaught of pro-environmentalism. Al Gore won an Oscar and Nobel prize for raising awareness about global warming (a wholly altruistic endeavor, I am sure). I even just got back from an electric utility industry conference, where the biggest topics of the day were carbon emissions, global warming and how future government regulations are going to impact the power industry, which is responsible for much of the carbon emissions via their burning of an awful lot of coal.
So isn't this the Green Party's time to shine? The mass media has primed the nation for an all-out environmental platform from a presidential candidate. If the voters aren't ready for Nader now, they never will be.
Who knows, maybe Nader does plan to run and is just saving his energy and campaign dollars for after the party primaries.
And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying Nader could actually win. Even with all the green media coverage of late, I doubt you could find more than 10 percent of the population that would rank the environment as the No. 1 campaign issue. Plus, the Democrats (and maybe even some Republicans) are going to be positioning themselves as green candidates as well and further thinning Nader's potential voter pool.
OK, and now that I think of it, those electric utility guys are going to be using some big bucks and major political influence to fight extra-hard against radicals like Nader. They know carbon regulations are coming, so they want someone in office who will make sure the rules are not unreasonably harsh -- from the power industry perspective.
Well, now I've gone and talked myself out of it. You know what, Nader: why don't you take it easy this year?
But where is Ross Perot? The little guy sure gave amusing TV interviews.
My knowledge of political history is far from rock solid -- certainly nothing compared to Jacob's knowledge of world dictators; see his blog at right -- but as I recall Nader has been the Green Party candidate for president the last several times around. Granted, in the past he has been lucky to get 2 percent of the vote, so ordinarily I wouldn't blame him if he had finally decided to give up his presidential dreams and settle for being master of his own domain (the only title we can each hold firmly for ourselves -- sorry, I'll stop).
But, in case no one has noticed, we seem to be right now in the midst of a media onslaught of pro-environmentalism. Al Gore won an Oscar and Nobel prize for raising awareness about global warming (a wholly altruistic endeavor, I am sure). I even just got back from an electric utility industry conference, where the biggest topics of the day were carbon emissions, global warming and how future government regulations are going to impact the power industry, which is responsible for much of the carbon emissions via their burning of an awful lot of coal.
So isn't this the Green Party's time to shine? The mass media has primed the nation for an all-out environmental platform from a presidential candidate. If the voters aren't ready for Nader now, they never will be.
Who knows, maybe Nader does plan to run and is just saving his energy and campaign dollars for after the party primaries.
And don't get me wrong, I'm not saying Nader could actually win. Even with all the green media coverage of late, I doubt you could find more than 10 percent of the population that would rank the environment as the No. 1 campaign issue. Plus, the Democrats (and maybe even some Republicans) are going to be positioning themselves as green candidates as well and further thinning Nader's potential voter pool.
OK, and now that I think of it, those electric utility guys are going to be using some big bucks and major political influence to fight extra-hard against radicals like Nader. They know carbon regulations are coming, so they want someone in office who will make sure the rules are not unreasonably harsh -- from the power industry perspective.
Well, now I've gone and talked myself out of it. You know what, Nader: why don't you take it easy this year?
But where is Ross Perot? The little guy sure gave amusing TV interviews.
Sunday, November 4, 2007
Oh those funny conservatives
LAKE BUENA VISTA, Fla. -- Since I'm here at the doorstep of Disney World for a couple of business conferences (shit, I've become that guy who goes to "business conferences"), clearly I've got nothing to do but watch TV in between writing about which company might be interested in buying which other company in the future.
So I figured I'd share some things with my faithful blog readers.
No, wait. Stay. I'm going to share things I saw on TV, nothing from the conferences.
Whew. Almost lost you there.
Following are my two favorite funny moments from this weekend so far. Let's see if you notice a theme.
1. Amy Poehler reported (from Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update" desk) about a plan to manage the pigeon population in the Staten Island ferry station by feeding the birds birth control pills. The punchline: "This, after the plan to distribute abstinence pamphlets proved unsuccessful."
2. At the conclusion of The Simpsons annual Treehouse of Horrors episode -- which included a Heck House to teach Bart and his friends a lesson about sin -- Ned Flanders says goodnight with the line: "I just want to say that for watching this network, you’re all going to hell. And that includes FX, Fox Sports and our newest devil’s portal, The Wall Street Journal. Welcome to the club."
I laughed hard at both of those, which felt good. But it also reminded me of why I never fully enjoy watching TV with my dad, a Baptist minister. Don't get me wrong: I love my dad and he's one of the most reasonable Southern Baptist ministers I can imagine knowing.
Nevertheless, I find I often enjoy jokes the most when they're at the expense of Christian conservatives -- ridiculing their over-the-top puritanical morality and dogmatic assurance that they're right and everyone whose beliefs are 1% different from theirs is eternally damned. I'm confident my dad would be disappointed by how hard I laugh at these jokes.
Further complicating matters, I think I might still be a Christian conservative myself. I suppose I still share many of my dad's same old-fashioned morals and religious beliefs. The biggest difference, I guess, is that I don't assume everyone else does or should share these values and beliefs.
Then again, I think I could probably laugh just as hard at the absurdities of over-the-top liberals. It's just that all the TV writers prefer to take jabs at evangelical Christians. Maybe I'll have to become a comedy writer and make a niche of joking about ultra-humanism and blind devotion to every new statistic or scientific study that hits the newsstands. Hm, this strategy is going to need some work, I think.
So I figured I'd share some things with my faithful blog readers.
No, wait. Stay. I'm going to share things I saw on TV, nothing from the conferences.
Whew. Almost lost you there.
Following are my two favorite funny moments from this weekend so far. Let's see if you notice a theme.
1. Amy Poehler reported (from Saturday Night Live's "Weekend Update" desk) about a plan to manage the pigeon population in the Staten Island ferry station by feeding the birds birth control pills. The punchline: "This, after the plan to distribute abstinence pamphlets proved unsuccessful."
2. At the conclusion of The Simpsons annual Treehouse of Horrors episode -- which included a Heck House to teach Bart and his friends a lesson about sin -- Ned Flanders says goodnight with the line: "I just want to say that for watching this network, you’re all going to hell. And that includes FX, Fox Sports and our newest devil’s portal, The Wall Street Journal. Welcome to the club."
I laughed hard at both of those, which felt good. But it also reminded me of why I never fully enjoy watching TV with my dad, a Baptist minister. Don't get me wrong: I love my dad and he's one of the most reasonable Southern Baptist ministers I can imagine knowing.
Nevertheless, I find I often enjoy jokes the most when they're at the expense of Christian conservatives -- ridiculing their over-the-top puritanical morality and dogmatic assurance that they're right and everyone whose beliefs are 1% different from theirs is eternally damned. I'm confident my dad would be disappointed by how hard I laugh at these jokes.
Further complicating matters, I think I might still be a Christian conservative myself. I suppose I still share many of my dad's same old-fashioned morals and religious beliefs. The biggest difference, I guess, is that I don't assume everyone else does or should share these values and beliefs.
Then again, I think I could probably laugh just as hard at the absurdities of over-the-top liberals. It's just that all the TV writers prefer to take jabs at evangelical Christians. Maybe I'll have to become a comedy writer and make a niche of joking about ultra-humanism and blind devotion to every new statistic or scientific study that hits the newsstands. Hm, this strategy is going to need some work, I think.
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Premenstrual schizophrenia?
I had a recent conversation with a member of local law enforcement in which we shared brief descriptions of family members with schizophrenia. (It was a friendly conversation, by the way, lest you think I was being arrested.) I told of my recent experiences and the challenges of emotional coping and trying to get help for this person.
Then he told of his first wife, who suffered from severe and violent mood swings that he felt endangered himself and their children. After several years of suffering through this, he explained, he divorced her and has now been in a happy, nonviolent second marriage for a number of years. I'm spotty on the details of this conversation, perhaps because my brain was so overwhelmed by how he concluded it. "You know, they've done research to show that three-quarters of all women have some kind of that schizophrenia PMS stuff."
Well, no. I did not know that. A) I did not know that three-quarters of all women suffered from the same mental illness, and B) (and here's the kicker) I also did not realize there was a single condition known as "that schizophrenia PMS stuff."
This explains a lot.
On one hand, it seems to explain why so many of the women I know are so damn insane -- although it does nothing to explain the comparable insanity among many of the men I know. (This, by the way, comes from my left hand, which possesses only very rudimentary motor skills and is essentially retarded.)
On the other hand (my much more intelligent, rational thinking right hand), this officer's statement goes a long way toward explaining why -- or maybe I should say illustrating how -- so many of the nation's mentally ill end up homeless or in prison, with few or no options for getting the kind of help they truly need. Here's a guy, authorized to carry a gun and decide who should and should not be taken to jail, and he doesn't know the difference between schizophrenia and PMS. Not only does he not fully grasp the details, he apparently doesn't even know that there is a difference. Our conversation was interrupted before I had a chance to try to correct him. But realistically, what could I have said to that?
I've read here and there about efforts by NAMI (the National Alliance on Mental Illness) to host educational seminars for law enforcement officers, in an effort to raise awareness about the mentally ill population. Good for them. And let's hope they get to this guy soon. I hate to think how he might react when his wife hits menopause.
Then he told of his first wife, who suffered from severe and violent mood swings that he felt endangered himself and their children. After several years of suffering through this, he explained, he divorced her and has now been in a happy, nonviolent second marriage for a number of years. I'm spotty on the details of this conversation, perhaps because my brain was so overwhelmed by how he concluded it. "You know, they've done research to show that three-quarters of all women have some kind of that schizophrenia PMS stuff."
Well, no. I did not know that. A) I did not know that three-quarters of all women suffered from the same mental illness, and B) (and here's the kicker) I also did not realize there was a single condition known as "that schizophrenia PMS stuff."
This explains a lot.
On one hand, it seems to explain why so many of the women I know are so damn insane -- although it does nothing to explain the comparable insanity among many of the men I know. (This, by the way, comes from my left hand, which possesses only very rudimentary motor skills and is essentially retarded.)
On the other hand (my much more intelligent, rational thinking right hand), this officer's statement goes a long way toward explaining why -- or maybe I should say illustrating how -- so many of the nation's mentally ill end up homeless or in prison, with few or no options for getting the kind of help they truly need. Here's a guy, authorized to carry a gun and decide who should and should not be taken to jail, and he doesn't know the difference between schizophrenia and PMS. Not only does he not fully grasp the details, he apparently doesn't even know that there is a difference. Our conversation was interrupted before I had a chance to try to correct him. But realistically, what could I have said to that?
I've read here and there about efforts by NAMI (the National Alliance on Mental Illness) to host educational seminars for law enforcement officers, in an effort to raise awareness about the mentally ill population. Good for them. And let's hope they get to this guy soon. I hate to think how he might react when his wife hits menopause.
Monday, October 29, 2007
Make a deal with me
I just saw a "news" headline on a popular Internet portal site that read: "Britney's wild, weird week." And I'll be damned if I didn't almost click on it. Call it self respect. Call it wanna-be-intellectual snobbery. Call it whatever you want. But I am pleased to say that something stopped me.
That's not to say I haven't clicked on similar headlines before. Just last week I read a gossip-column-style piece about Britney's new surgically enhanced lips. The article quoted anonymous sources such as "a snitchy friend" and used not-so-clever turns of phrase to deride Britney's ongoing spree of public stupidity and humiliation, even picking on her apparent addiction to frozen coffee treats and ice cream. The whole style and substance of it made me as a semi-serious journalist feel severely devalued -- like the credibility of the whole profession pretty much just went down the toilet. More importantly, as a human, I felt dumber for having read it.
So now we're to the point that we need recaps of Britney's blunders. Even when she hasn't done anything newly idiotic or critique-worthy, the "journalists" who follow the Britney beat feel the need to enlighten us with perspective pieces -- as if what the world really needs now is a better understanding of where Britney has been and where she's headed.
Well I've had enough. I'm not saying I'm above reading celebrity news and gossip. But Britney must go away. So I commit, and I hope anyone who reads this will commit with me, to stop clicking on the Britney headlines, even if they're extra salacious.
Vote with your mouse, folks. Boycott Britney news.
That's not to say I haven't clicked on similar headlines before. Just last week I read a gossip-column-style piece about Britney's new surgically enhanced lips. The article quoted anonymous sources such as "a snitchy friend" and used not-so-clever turns of phrase to deride Britney's ongoing spree of public stupidity and humiliation, even picking on her apparent addiction to frozen coffee treats and ice cream. The whole style and substance of it made me as a semi-serious journalist feel severely devalued -- like the credibility of the whole profession pretty much just went down the toilet. More importantly, as a human, I felt dumber for having read it.
So now we're to the point that we need recaps of Britney's blunders. Even when she hasn't done anything newly idiotic or critique-worthy, the "journalists" who follow the Britney beat feel the need to enlighten us with perspective pieces -- as if what the world really needs now is a better understanding of where Britney has been and where she's headed.
Well I've had enough. I'm not saying I'm above reading celebrity news and gossip. But Britney must go away. So I commit, and I hope anyone who reads this will commit with me, to stop clicking on the Britney headlines, even if they're extra salacious.
Vote with your mouse, folks. Boycott Britney news.
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
How big a sellout would I be if I got an MBA?
So, as a journalist, I'm supposed to be committed to truth and watchdogging and the defense of American liberties, etc., right? And in that spirit, I still recall how viciously my fellow communication majors and I made fun of the business majors in college -- those future capitalist pigs. Well now -- as these things conveniently work out sometimes -- I am now reporting on business and the financial world, as I have been for the last few years.
And what do you know if now I am not personally interested in business, to the point of considering pursuing a master's degree in the rotten field. I've thought about it before (but in the past mostly because I was desperate to escape the soul-sucking life of a newspaper journalist, working at a particularly soul-sucking newspaper). Now, I'm actually considering how interesting it would be to learn about business in an academic setting and how it would open up my career opportunities -- whether I wanted to continue in financial journalism or move into the business field itself someday. The prospects of going after my master's are only improved by the fact that my wife, Meaghan, now works for my alma mater, Berry College, which means I could get a big discount on tuition.
So, consider this a poll (of the four of you who read this): on a scale of 1 to 10, how big a sellout would I be if I got an MBA?
1 = not at all a sellout; it was silly of me to make fun of business majors to begin with, because for all the greedy scandals we hear about businesspeople actually do a lot of good in the world
5 = a moderate sellout; it's possible some overall good could come from this, but there's also a good chance I'll end up making my living by killing three African children for every pound of diamonds harvested from my mine
10 = total sellout; why don't I just go do public relations for the tobacco industry and call it a day
And what do you know if now I am not personally interested in business, to the point of considering pursuing a master's degree in the rotten field. I've thought about it before (but in the past mostly because I was desperate to escape the soul-sucking life of a newspaper journalist, working at a particularly soul-sucking newspaper). Now, I'm actually considering how interesting it would be to learn about business in an academic setting and how it would open up my career opportunities -- whether I wanted to continue in financial journalism or move into the business field itself someday. The prospects of going after my master's are only improved by the fact that my wife, Meaghan, now works for my alma mater, Berry College, which means I could get a big discount on tuition.
So, consider this a poll (of the four of you who read this): on a scale of 1 to 10, how big a sellout would I be if I got an MBA?
1 = not at all a sellout; it was silly of me to make fun of business majors to begin with, because for all the greedy scandals we hear about businesspeople actually do a lot of good in the world
5 = a moderate sellout; it's possible some overall good could come from this, but there's also a good chance I'll end up making my living by killing three African children for every pound of diamonds harvested from my mine
10 = total sellout; why don't I just go do public relations for the tobacco industry and call it a day
Monday, September 24, 2007
Let's ban saggy white pants after Labor Day
You might have read about a push in several cities to enact local ordinances (or expand existing ones) to essentially ban the wearing of saggy pants. Among the locales considering such a move are Atlanta and its little-buddy neighbor to the northwest: Rome, Georgia.
People who support these bans claim that the offenders often wear pants sagging so low that their underwear is visible -- or in some cases, even the upper buttocks. This is effectively indecent exposure, they claim. Those who oppose the bans argue that such a move by city or county commissions is uncalled for, amounting to an intrusion on a person's freedom of expression. The naysayers (in addition to 'nay') say the local governments would be overstepping their bounds by enacting such rules, that the governments must have better things to do with their time and that such rules would be unenforceable.
While I respect the arguments of all parties involved, I must disagree. I say: the governments aren't going far enough! Of course saggy pants should be banned. They're tacky and lewd, just like the young scoundrels who don them. But they're not the only ones. How about those teenagers at the mall who wear green and yellow John Deere hats, just trying to be cool. Those little twits have never used a tractor. It's a mockery to the hard-working farmers who make our lives possible in this great nation. So I say: ban people from wearing John Deere hats unless they can prove they own and regularly operate farming equipment, preferably of the John Deere brand.
Next, we need to put a stop to those homemade T-shirts with the big screen-printed photos on the front. Frankly, they just make me want to puke. And then those Red Hat ladies. They know the purple dresses and red hats don't go together -- it says so right in their motto. So ban them, already. School systems ban gang attire, and everyone thinks that's perfectly reasonable. Well, I'm telling you: there's no group better poised to steal the hearts and minds of our youth and overthrow our communities than these Red Hatters. If we can't outright stop them, at least we can drive them underground with some carefully crafted public dress codes.
While we're at it, let's officially ban the wearing of white after Labor Day. Everybody knows they shouldn't, but some people just won't take a basic societal rule seriously until it is codified in the law.
To those who say the rules would be unenforceable: that couldn't be farther from the truth. In fact, what could be easier to enforce than a dress code? All police officers have to do is look at someone to know if they are breaking the rules. And when they see offenders, I say arrest them on the spot. No warnings.
Some will say: 'Oh, but our jails are already so overcrowded. There won't be room for inmates arrested because of dress code violations.' Well boo, freakin', hoo. People better think about that before they sag their pants or go outside in their plastic red fedoras. They can stack 'em three deep at the jail for all I care.
Oh, and mullets. Can someone please do something about mullets?
People who support these bans claim that the offenders often wear pants sagging so low that their underwear is visible -- or in some cases, even the upper buttocks. This is effectively indecent exposure, they claim. Those who oppose the bans argue that such a move by city or county commissions is uncalled for, amounting to an intrusion on a person's freedom of expression. The naysayers (in addition to 'nay') say the local governments would be overstepping their bounds by enacting such rules, that the governments must have better things to do with their time and that such rules would be unenforceable.
While I respect the arguments of all parties involved, I must disagree. I say: the governments aren't going far enough! Of course saggy pants should be banned. They're tacky and lewd, just like the young scoundrels who don them. But they're not the only ones. How about those teenagers at the mall who wear green and yellow John Deere hats, just trying to be cool. Those little twits have never used a tractor. It's a mockery to the hard-working farmers who make our lives possible in this great nation. So I say: ban people from wearing John Deere hats unless they can prove they own and regularly operate farming equipment, preferably of the John Deere brand.
Next, we need to put a stop to those homemade T-shirts with the big screen-printed photos on the front. Frankly, they just make me want to puke. And then those Red Hat ladies. They know the purple dresses and red hats don't go together -- it says so right in their motto. So ban them, already. School systems ban gang attire, and everyone thinks that's perfectly reasonable. Well, I'm telling you: there's no group better poised to steal the hearts and minds of our youth and overthrow our communities than these Red Hatters. If we can't outright stop them, at least we can drive them underground with some carefully crafted public dress codes.
While we're at it, let's officially ban the wearing of white after Labor Day. Everybody knows they shouldn't, but some people just won't take a basic societal rule seriously until it is codified in the law.
To those who say the rules would be unenforceable: that couldn't be farther from the truth. In fact, what could be easier to enforce than a dress code? All police officers have to do is look at someone to know if they are breaking the rules. And when they see offenders, I say arrest them on the spot. No warnings.
Some will say: 'Oh, but our jails are already so overcrowded. There won't be room for inmates arrested because of dress code violations.' Well boo, freakin', hoo. People better think about that before they sag their pants or go outside in their plastic red fedoras. They can stack 'em three deep at the jail for all I care.
Oh, and mullets. Can someone please do something about mullets?
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
What if...
UPDATE: Here's an online quiz I came across to test your pirate knowledge: Encarta pirate quiz
A funny coincidence has occurred to me on this date for the last few years. Today, my dad's birthday, is also International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Perhaps this is just dumb luck on his part. He's probably entitled to free admission to various pirate-themed amusement parks and entertainment venues today, not to mention free meals (or at least pirate-ship-shaped desserts) at the many related restaurants across the land. But I wonder if there isn't more to this: perhaps my father was a pirate in a previous life, or earlier in this life for that matter.
I do recall an occasion when I cheekily sent him an e-mail teasing him about the fact that his birthday coincided with Talk Like a Pirate Day. He never responded to the e-mail, which could lead to only two logical conclusions: either he was too busy to write back and didn't really care, or he was avoiding the subject because of some secret he feared I might mine out of him.
I don't know why he would be ashamed or hide such a past from me and the rest of the family. I would openly embrace his former life of seafaring and enemy ship raiding, not to mention take more than a passing interest in my heritage, perhaps enlisting in the nearest Sons of Reformed Pirates chapter. I can just picture him, one foot propped on the side of an old wooden ship as it bounced along in the waves, donning his billowy pants and bearing his now farmer-tanned torso to full sunlight in the days of his pirating youth.
Well, I suppose now as a Baptist minister, he couldn't very well let his earlier days of raping and pillaging be known, if that were the sort of marauder band with which he had been affiliated. On the other hand, I'd like to think maybe he was of the Dread Pirate Roberts variety -- developing notoriety and a legend to be feared and revered, yet in reality sparing the lives of doe-eyed young men in the name of true love. And then that would also explain why he must keep his past a secret, as now the individual who has taken over the role of said legendary pirate would not want it known that the name is actually a mere legend passed from one man to another over history.
Or, maybe he was a software pirate.
A funny coincidence has occurred to me on this date for the last few years. Today, my dad's birthday, is also International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Perhaps this is just dumb luck on his part. He's probably entitled to free admission to various pirate-themed amusement parks and entertainment venues today, not to mention free meals (or at least pirate-ship-shaped desserts) at the many related restaurants across the land. But I wonder if there isn't more to this: perhaps my father was a pirate in a previous life, or earlier in this life for that matter.
I do recall an occasion when I cheekily sent him an e-mail teasing him about the fact that his birthday coincided with Talk Like a Pirate Day. He never responded to the e-mail, which could lead to only two logical conclusions: either he was too busy to write back and didn't really care, or he was avoiding the subject because of some secret he feared I might mine out of him.
I don't know why he would be ashamed or hide such a past from me and the rest of the family. I would openly embrace his former life of seafaring and enemy ship raiding, not to mention take more than a passing interest in my heritage, perhaps enlisting in the nearest Sons of Reformed Pirates chapter. I can just picture him, one foot propped on the side of an old wooden ship as it bounced along in the waves, donning his billowy pants and bearing his now farmer-tanned torso to full sunlight in the days of his pirating youth.
Well, I suppose now as a Baptist minister, he couldn't very well let his earlier days of raping and pillaging be known, if that were the sort of marauder band with which he had been affiliated. On the other hand, I'd like to think maybe he was of the Dread Pirate Roberts variety -- developing notoriety and a legend to be feared and revered, yet in reality sparing the lives of doe-eyed young men in the name of true love. And then that would also explain why he must keep his past a secret, as now the individual who has taken over the role of said legendary pirate would not want it known that the name is actually a mere legend passed from one man to another over history.
Or, maybe he was a software pirate.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
My first blog
Wow. This is exciting. Me, a guy with no MySpace account and who has never sent a text message in his life, posting his first blog entry. I hope someone reads it.
I spend most of my days writing about corporate mergers and acquisitions for an online news and info service, so I shall do my darnedest not to clutter this blog with similarly nerdy things. Here, instead, I could share anecdotes about funny things my dog does, right? Is that what blogs are for? (By the way, when she farts, she immediately gets up and runs away from the smell.)
Hm, what else? I could tell all you Conan O'Brien fans out there (I say this as though there are thousands of people reading this entry) that you should check out his Pale Force animated shorts on NBC.com. I just found them today, although it looks like they've been around for several months or longer. They're mildly funny --- about a "tan-challenged" duo of crime-fighting superheroes, including Conan of course. I swear NBC did not pay me to refer to their site.
Well that's pretty much all I've got for now. I really just signed up for this account so I could comment on friends' blogs, but now I'll get sucked into actually writing entries from time to time, I'm sure. When I get fired for spending all my work time doing this, it will be all your fault Blogger. I'll sue your electronic behind, and with Google as your parent company now, I'm sure I can expect a handsome settlement. To be fair, I will consider accepting stock options in lieu of cash. Hm, this is sounding better all the time.
(Just kidding, Google. Don't kill my family.)
I spend most of my days writing about corporate mergers and acquisitions for an online news and info service, so I shall do my darnedest not to clutter this blog with similarly nerdy things. Here, instead, I could share anecdotes about funny things my dog does, right? Is that what blogs are for? (By the way, when she farts, she immediately gets up and runs away from the smell.)
Hm, what else? I could tell all you Conan O'Brien fans out there (I say this as though there are thousands of people reading this entry) that you should check out his Pale Force animated shorts on NBC.com. I just found them today, although it looks like they've been around for several months or longer. They're mildly funny --- about a "tan-challenged" duo of crime-fighting superheroes, including Conan of course. I swear NBC did not pay me to refer to their site.
Well that's pretty much all I've got for now. I really just signed up for this account so I could comment on friends' blogs, but now I'll get sucked into actually writing entries from time to time, I'm sure. When I get fired for spending all my work time doing this, it will be all your fault Blogger. I'll sue your electronic behind, and with Google as your parent company now, I'm sure I can expect a handsome settlement. To be fair, I will consider accepting stock options in lieu of cash. Hm, this is sounding better all the time.
(Just kidding, Google. Don't kill my family.)
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