Thursday, April 3, 2008

Senility sets in

Maybe it's silly of me to share bizarre news that I read and comment on it, since you all are probably reading the same things already. But here again, I can't help myself.

Ted Turner got all Nostradamus on us in an interview published in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution today.

His great prediction for the future: The fallout of global warming will lead to most of the human population being cannibals in 30 to 40 years.

I laughed at first when I read the headline, but then I thought, "No, no. Ted is a bright guy. Reasonable and well-grounded. He must know what he's talking about."

He even said himself (in this same article): "I've gotten a lot better... It's been a long time since anybody caught me saying something stupid."

Good gravy, the reporter must have wet his pants when Turner said that. Really? A "long time"? Cause you just said... oh never mind. Thanks for taking my call, Ted.

Apparently, Ted's thorough scientific research (all performed inside his own rectum) has revealed that unchecked global warming will cause a worldwide temperature rise of 8 degrees in 30 to 40 years. Because of this, crops will cease to grow, governments will collapse, and the few surviving humans will have resorted to eating each other for lack of any other food source. (He's even produced a video about the grim future.)

Geez. There is so much that we non-billionaires don't know about the world.

Thanks, Ted, for sharing your wealth of knowledge. (Read the full article, if you haven't had enough.)

Perhaps the most important lesson I learned today, thanks to a commenter on this AJC article, was what it means to get RickRoll'd. Some of you just learned that, too. I promise I won't do it again.

Well, I don't promise, but I'll try to refrain.

8 comments:

Nicole said...

Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! What a dumbass!

Jacob said...

That dude just didn't sound like he'd be a scrawny, pasty-skinned, redhead.

Courtney said...

Who are you and what have you done with Chris? Three posts this week? The Chris I know would never do that.

I think I'd really like to have dinner with Ted Turner, just to see what will come out of his mouth. I bet it would be entertaining.

Meaghan said...

This is possibly your funniest post yet. I laughed out loud - really loud! Clearly Ted knows something we don't. Other than the guy giving to charity a lot, he's one of the biggest wastes of air on our planet (speaking of global warming...) And I'm sure the only reason he gives to charity is because it's good PR.

Mickey said...

Well it's not entirely unreasonable... meat's meat, right?

So did you get RickRoll'd reading CYOB? I did and I loved it.

Chris said...

Oh, nope I missed the Rickroll in CYOB. Mine came from the comments section of the AJC site.

I'm not saying it's unreasonable that people would one day accept the idea of cannibalism. But the suggestion that global warming's effects will be so severe that we'll have no other options in 30 or 40 years... a tiny bit over the top, I think.

Julie said...

All I know is that I'm keeping my knives sharpened and an extra propane tank from here on out.

Chris said...

Never hurts to be prepared, I guess.