I suspect I may be able to help keep another, smaller human being alive

As you might have heard, I seem to have fathered offspring. The developing life form is now about the size of a lima bean and is on schedule to join us in this non-amniotic outer world in mid to late December. A Christmas baby, perhaps.

So I've started to think about how it will be to share the responsibility of feeding a baby, keeping it safe and comfortable, eventually teaching it not to crap itself and maybe showing it how to partake in a few recreational pastimes, like darts or bocce ball.

I have been expecting and waiting for a rush of freaked-out-ness or giddy excitement or paralyzing fear or uncontrollable laughter or... something. Cause it's a big deal, right? Well, you may (or may not) be surprised to hear that none of these has come.

OK, there was one spell of uncontrollable laughter, but I'm confident it was unrelated.

So, I'm left with my usual dull-spirited self, taking my usual uber-dorky pleasures in things like reading and balancing the household budget. And oh the budgeting that is to be done in preparation for this young lima bean.

But this is not to say I have been without my own miniature emotions. I feel a sort of distant gladness and warmth toward the little developing human.

I've also noticed a mildly renewed ambition for household projects. There is a room to be repainted and decorated. Just last weekend I finally replaced the old grungy electrical outlets upstairs and put covers on them. (They had been coverless for the vast majority of our three years in this house.) And I've still got work to do toward creating a tolerable climate upstairs, since it currently feels a lot like a greenhouse on hot, sunny days -- and the nights that follow them.

I guess I'm not too terrified, is what I'm saying. I know raising a baby will be a lot of work, but I'm beginning to feel drawn to the idea of expanding our family beyond just me, the wife and the dogs. Let's face it, I've always been a more effective/productive person when given responsibilities -- versus being left with lots of idle time to try to fill.

I'm also hopeful about the idea of contributing a conscientious, useful citizen into society -- by which I mean someone who is not wasteful but cares about preserving the environment, someone who is generous to people who are less fortunate, someone eager to learn new ideas and also new skills to be better able to provide for himself or herself, etc. Unfortunately, we all know plenty of people bringing new babies into the world who have no such aspirations for them.

I won't get my hopes too high, though, because I know a parent only has so much control over how the child turns out. Parents are often disappointed. But nevertheless, these are some of my hopes for the little reptilian cluster of cells. (If I understand correctly, its arm and leg buds look kind of like tiny flippers right now.)

Now I've just gotten plain gooey, haven't I? Who knows, maybe someday I'll even become soft enough to let a boy wear argyle sweater vests.

Uh, no, never mind. That's not going to happen.